Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Randomize
