the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
