My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
