We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Randomize
