my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
my being single is dangerous.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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