I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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