the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
what day is it and did you see me today?
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize