how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
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