you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
