At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
