I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
