this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I need water and some morals
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize