and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
