When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
