I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
