I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
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