YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
