Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
