Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
