I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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