So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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