so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
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