They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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