I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
