I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Randomize
