lets start a swedish sibling band together
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
