Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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