actually, I'm a sock model
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
