So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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