I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
