Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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