i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Randomize
