What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
