when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
We're not piercing ourselves today.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
