I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
