in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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