i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
