Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize