It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
