I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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