im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Randomize
