They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
