what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Randomize
