the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
