Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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