he shaved USA in his pubs
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
