i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Randomize
