I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
