i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
