either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize