So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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