I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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