My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
