Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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