i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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