$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I think I sprained my soul last night
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
