I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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