Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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