Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Randomize
