so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Randomize