Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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