I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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