There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
