really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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