Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
