My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
