She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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