Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
