i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
There's always time for handjobs
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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