Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
