Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
