I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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