and she was petting her beer can
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
