And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
