Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
