Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
he was CRYING into my vagina
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
