My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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