Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Someone signed my nipple.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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