new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
