Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
