I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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