I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
