Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
