how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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