so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
