as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
