I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize