So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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